To Smoke Or Not To Smoke (At the Playground): This Is The Question

First of all, because you're going to wonder--I don't smoke. Now here's the story.

A while back, I was at the local park, and one of the "regulars" was on her cell phone, smoking a cigarette, inside the fenced playground area, but pretty far away from the kids and the equipment. She was keeping an eye on her son, but wasn't in the thick of the kids. Her cigarette smoke was definitely not reaching the children, and she wasn't in the natural sight line of the kids; she was in a grassy corner of the park. (Can you tell I wasn't all that disturbed by Smoking Mom?) I didn't, in fact, even notice Smoking Mom, until another mom--we'll call her Screaming Mom, for reasons that will soon be apparent--started getting upset.

When Screaming Mom noticed Smoking Mom, she began talking angrily to herself. Not really "to herself", but to no one in particular...kind of just commenting loudly in general that she couldn't believe that anyone would smoke at a playground. Then, she stomped over to Smoking Mom and said the same. Something along the lines of, "why are you smoking around these kids, that's completely inappropriate, you should put out the cigarette or leave." Smoking Mom, who was on a cell phone call and didn't really get what was going on, kind of acknowledged her, and moved to the farthest possible nook of the corner of the fence, and continued to smoke and talk. Screaming Mom retreated and went over to the bench where her things were, but I guess was SO ANGRY about the situation, that a minute or two later, she stormed through the middle of the playground/equipment area shrieking in Smoking Mom's general direction, that she could not BELIEVE the woman was SMOKING at a PLAYGROUND and what kind of person DOES THAT, etc, etc. Smoking Mom, who remember is actually pretty far away from Screaming Mom, basically ignored her, and went about her business. Meanwhile, all the kids that this lady was standing smack in the middle of screaming? They all stopped their play and stared at Screaming Mom, because, well, she was SCREAMING. And you could tell that what she really wanted to do was kick Smoking Mom's *ss. And yes, kids do pick up on that kind of energy and stop in their tracks. Heck, with all that going on, I doubt any of them even realized that Smoking Mom was smoking!

Shortly after, Screaming Mom packed up and stormed off. Smoking Mom, I assume, finished her cig and went to hang out with her kid.

I've already said that Smoking Mom didn't really phase me. She was far enough away that the kids weren't inhaling her smoke. I was no angrier at her for smoking at a playground than I would be at someone smoking and walking down the street that I also happened to be walking down--meaning not at all. And here's the thing. While Screaming Mom was losing it over Smoking Mom endangering the kids by smoking at the playground, she was the one displaying the inappropriate behavior, in my opinion. An adult, obviously furious, standing in the middle of a group of kids shrieking with anger at another person, loudly and furiously enough that every single kid stopped what he or she was doing and stared? That, as far as I'm concerned, is an example of modeling bad behavior, and "modeling bad behavior" is probably one the things she was shrieking at Smoking Mom for.

I personally am of the opinion that kids just are going to see adults doing unhealthy and even downright bad things sometimes, and that it is up to parents to talk with them about what they are seeing. As opposed to keeping bad habits out of sight and umm...pretending they don't exist? Please. That reminds me of the king in Sleeping Beauty trying to prevent the princess from pricking her finger by burning all the spinning wheels at the castle. And what did Sleeping Beauty manage to do? Find a spinning wheel and prick her finger. Meaning that kids will find out about cigarettes--even if you try to shield them from seeing people smoking. (FYI: yes, Elle has made me read Sleeping Beauty to her for the past three nights in a row.)

Shortly after the Screaming Mom/Smoking Mom incident, I read this on Babble (make sure to click through to the comments, too.) That's when I realized that Screaming Mom had friends. In case you don't want to click through, the link is to a Q & A column, and someone had written that she had a friend who smoked on her deck when she came to visit, and that her five-year-old had been asking about the smoking. A group of mothers that the letter writer mentioned this issue to was "visibly shocked that [she] let people smoke in front of her kids." So the letter writer is considering asking her friend to stop smoking outside on the deck when she comes over, but to her credit, is worried that the request might make her seem a bit rude, and also uptight and over-the-top on the whole issue. She's also worried that her friend, who the five-year-old really loves, might be discouraged from coming over. (My answer to the letter writer is that well, you ARE over-the-top and rude if you don't allow your old friends to smoke on the deck when they come over! But if that's your decision--not your rude, uptight, over-the-top friends' decision--don't be shy about saying so and explaining why. (Geez, file that one under "Modeling For Your Kids How To Stand Up For What You Believe In" 101.)

About a week after reading this article, I was visiting my dad, and we took Elle to a local playground. My dad, a lifelong heavy smoker, lit a cigarette. I brought up this whole topic to him, and he said that actually, one of the things that made him want to smoke when he was a kid was that one of his aunts, who was very Cool, smoked. He associated smoking with being cool, and went on to take up smoking at a pretty young age. Hmm. So, I guess that having your "cool" friends over to the house, and having your kids see all the "cool people" out on the deck smoking, might have some credence. But personally, I still don't buy it. Kids are going to see cool people doing unhealthy/bad things all the time, whether it is eating unhealthy "cool" foods, or movie characters talking in a "cool" but abusive way to others, or "cool" characters in storybooks acting violently toward others. Parents need to talk about decision making, about mistakes, about the health risks of smoking, and so on, but to try and pretend it doesn't exist? Good luck.

Bringing it back full circle, smoking at the playground? I'm fine with it, I suppose. I'm for drinking at the playground too, for what it's worth. Whatever you need to do to allow your kid to play outside, run around, hang out with other kids, get out from in front of the TV set for as long as possible in the afternoon and on the weekends. Now that's behavior worth modeling.

What do you think about smoking at the playground?

photo credit: sxc.hu/CELALTEBER